January 2011
48 posts
Dear White People,
Stop dancing.
Signed,
The Whitest Person Ever
Butcher Facts 1/29/11
If stew meat is on sale, it’s probably a piece of meat one of picked up and exclaimed “what in the fuck is this?!” and then quickly cut into cubes.
Life plans.
Get depressed at work. Eat a fucking baby sized burrito and forget about it.
Attn: Steve, Pat, Buddy maybe.
moshxjordecai:
KID IN A SABU SHIRT. KID IN A SABU SHIRT. IT SAYS SABUICIDAL. KID IN A SABU SHIRT.
SABUI-FUCKING-CIDAL ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?!!
bigwordsexciteme:
Peaches en Regalia - Frank...
There’s nothing about my life that I find memorable. Is that sad? All I want is to be forgotten.
“Go take that costume off so you can eat pizza”
– Maggie (to her daugther Adeline)
Statements made at work #2
Can you turn that off? I don’t think the kids will appreciate a band called ‘Rotting Christ.’
Statements made at work:
Are you guys capable of not swearing long enough for a group of Cub Scouts to tour your department or should we avoid the butcher block altogether?
Job Interview
Twenty years from now, I see myself on a broken bar stool in a gin joint halfway between Pecos and nowhere. My hands will no longer function well enough to hold my broken, open-tuned guitar. I’ll talk about the “good old days” like I didn’t bitch my way through them. I’ll be so bored and bogged down by routine that every new day will seem as meaningless as the last...
1 tag
Things customers have said to me at work #1
“See, the trick is to age the goat placenta in brine.”
I found a bar that plays Grateful Dead bootlegs, has good specials, and is right around the corner. It was nice knowing you. I’m never leaving.
people who wear sneakers with suits.
Take that, Huey Lewis!
p.s. The best show that lightbulb ever played was 5/7/77 when it flickered for 15 minutes.
How many hipsters does it take to change a...
moshxjordecai:
tumblridontevenknowher:
alisable:
Answer: It’s an obscure number. You’ve probably never heard of it.
“One to change the bulb, one to complain about how much better the analog one sounded.”
“Wait… you mean you haven’t heard?!”
how many deadheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
none. they’d rather just sit and watch it burn out over the course of forty years.
[did...
Watch Josh Mordecai salt fries. It’ll melt all yr troubles away.
1 tag
people who pay with checks at the grocery store....
Seriously. Fuck you. Carry around some goddamn cash. Who the fuck writes a check for a christ-fucking orange?
There was brief moment this morning where the music on the loudspeaker was shut off and there were no customers in the store. It was completely silent for maybe three seconds. Those were the best three seconds of my day.
I just spent twenty minutes referring to a dog as a “little fuzzy man.” Verdict: puppies make me say dumb things.
Listening to my wife fart repeatedly. Ahh, married life.
Secret Families.
ofthemountain:
jamesdereksapienza:
THE GRIEVANTS and friends are recording an eight hour music piece called SECRET FAMILIES today at The Dress Barn. No one will ever listen to it in one sitting.
This has gone from minimal to hardcore to totally fucking brutal, and now there may or may not be fake gregorian chanting happening in the basement.
Halfway point. It got super heavy for a while. ...